"I have wanted to kill myself a hundred times, but somehow I am still in love with life. This ridiculous weakness is perhaps one of our most melancholy propensities; for is there anything more stupid than to be eager to go on carrying a burden which one would gladly throw away, to loathe one’s very being and yet to hold fast, to fondle the snake that devours us until it has eaten our hearts away?"   Voltaire

another story about nothing really.

the speakeasy, or whatever the hell it was called nowadays. it’s six blocks down and you can tell.  tonight was no exception to the reputation it had earned. walking through the door meant being confronted by a walls length of tall hulking men, not bouncers. they ogle at the women walking by with skirts that literally embody the term “band-aid” forcing them to move robotically as to not reveal their g string adorned vaginas. 

she bought a beer because a gin and tonic would be too strong.  she didn’t particularly like beer, but she was thirsty. and drinking a beer appears much cooler than drinking a clear solo cup of water.  

across the room is a friend surrounded by friends she does not know.  she joins, albeit rather awkwardly. there’s small talk and feigned enthusiasm. three clown faced women and a man with a well worn expression approach her at the table. they are wondering if this table next to her is free. no idea. well can she watch their beers for five minutes, please? the man fumbles through his wallet and throws her three dollars. if it takes longer he’ll give her more.  she holds up her end of the deal, he does not. 

but three dollars is just enough for a slice of pizza. thank you tired drunk man.

last summer.

Now through May!

i went to baltimore to see one of my loves.

luno and the leash.

 

apathetic kind of life.